Mental Illnesses Are Invisible
Chances are, if you know someone with
a mental disorder or disability, you might have asked them or thought, “Why are
you tired?”
Not many people ask me if I’m OK, but when
they do my answer is always the same “I’m fine, just tired” — and people seem
to accept that reply. For me, “I’m tired” is not a complaint or pessimistic.
It’s merely a fact of life.
Allow me to explain why a person who is
constantly battling their own brain and societal expectations may feel so
drained. These are ppl whose brains are stuck in overdrive and have a great
amount of difficulty unwinding to fall asleep at night.
For the “average” person, it takes seven
minutes to fall asleep. Imagine crawling into bed exhausted and it takes the
average of an hour to fall asleep, instead of seven minutes. Every nap and
bathroom break and the brain relaxation delay begins again.
These are people whose sleep is frequently
disturbed and who spend their nights tossing and turning instead of resting.
Sometimes they’re awoken by noises, pain, an inability to keep body parts
still, by loud noises inside of their heads, vivid dreams and many other
reasons.
These are people who wake up feeling, at
best, slightly more rested than they were when they crawled into bed in the
first place — like a battery that has been damaged that never seems to recharge
properly. These are people who for decades don’t feel rested after their
slumber.
These are people who put an immense amount
of effort into focusing on the task they’re supposed to do or perform, while
their minds are trying to carry them down other paths or while they are
struggling to remember just what those tasks are.
These are are people with working memory
issues who — from school age on into adulthood — lack the skill to remember
multi-step instructions in a world where they’re just expected to know how to
do it.
These are ppl who are in a constant war
w/their own brain, ppl who are battling their own thoughts & fears; hearing
every day from their brains they arent good enough, strong enough, skinny
enough, that ppl dont like them or that they should have done better just to
list a few things.
These are people who are in a constant war
with other people’s judgment and lack of understanding.
Who are often asked questions or who hear
comments like, “Why are you always tired?” “Just suck it up deal with it,”
“It’s just a lack of discipline,” “It’s all in your head,” “Stop being so
pessimistic” and “Stop being so lazy.”
These are ppl who experience sensory
overload that mentally exhausts them. From the clothing they are expected to
wear, the food they are expected to eat, the noise around them, the sights
engulfing them & the odors surrounding them, these ppl’s senses are
constantly under attack.
These are people who are exhausted from
self-advocating to people who don’t understand and don’t care to understand.
These are people who spend most of every
day dealing with fears that others sometimes find silly and irrational.
It’s like living on a rope bridge swaying
in the wind over a canyon while you’re afraid of heights, and hearing, “I don’t
understand what you’re complaining about, the bridge is secure. Suck it up and
deal with it. I can do it, so you can too.”
These are ppl who are struggling to
communicate their experiences bcoz communication is a skill that needs to be
taught and exercised.
It’s like those who don’t have a strong
artistic talent being instructed to create a sculpture using the items around
you to present how they currently feel within the next five minutes.
These are people who expel a large amount
of energy trying to understand body language and emotions. It would be like
showing you a picture of my cat and expecting you to identify what he’s feeling
based on his facial expression and pose within minutes, multiple times a day.
These are people who are tired from the
side-effects of medication, or self-medicating to cope with the symptoms of
their diagnosis and the expectations of society.
These are ppl who are struggling w/their
brains to differentiate whats real and whats not, because their brains present
everything to them as reality. These are ppl who hav physical manifestations
from their mental struggles bcoz being on high alert takes a physical toll on a
person.
These are people whose muscles ache
constantly or whose muscles are tired from being tense too often, who get
frequent headaches or migraines, whose appetite is affected and whose immune
system becomes impaired… just to name a few things.
When someone tells you they’re tired,
sometimes you need to look beyond their answer. Are they tired? Are they
physically tired and need some sleep? Or do they in fact need you.
Do they need somebody to look them in the
eyes and tell them they’re not fine but that you’re there for them? Do they
need someone to realize they’re not OK and to offer them a hug? Because I know
when I say I’m tired, that’s what I need.
So please, the next time someone with an
invisible disability says that they’re tired, please don’t treat them as if
they’re lazy or irrational.
Instead, imagine living your life on a rope
bridge over a canyon, or imagine how you would feel if someone jabbed you and
woke you up several times a night for just one year, and the physical and
mental impact it would have on you.
I beg of you, on behalf of all of us fighting our
own silent battles, please be patient and empathetic. Just because you don’t
experience it doesn’t mean that it’s not a reality for someone else.
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